3 Quick notes:

My roommate is a Clothist - she makes me wear clothes at all times, especially when going outside in the snow. Fi! She said that she would have no more of me wearing bikinis out in the winter - I say Fi! to that!

the cat just swore at me:

Toms says: mrrrrrrrrrrrrrow! im going to shred your bed.

talibah says: go ahead -I bet K would like that!she thinks it's the loudest bed ever

Tom says: i think it is too, bitch.

talibah says: oy! Tom!

Tom says: you talkin' to me? do you feel lucky? well, do ya?
PUNK?

I'm not kidding - K was transcripting for him (unless he was typing this himself!)

lastly - there is a guy in this row who is wearing Old Spice -it smells so good - unlike most people, it doesn't make me think of my father or grandfather - instead it makes me think of this guy from primary school (that's age 5-11) he used to wear that scent - don't ask me why. He was really cute and all the girls had a crush on him. whenever I smell that I remember him and smile.

Raisins Prevent tooth decay??!!!!.. sweeeettttt!

today my roommate made my day - she showed me an article in a magizine that says scientists have found that raisins prevent tooth decay - I don't remember the science behind it - I don't really care what it is - just so long as I get to eat as many raisins as I want and feel great about it. Apparently K and I have more in common than I had previously realised - we both enjoy cleaning our teeth (one day I'll tell you about her tooth-cleaning fettish)! And C - there was one for you too - potatoes are good for the heart. you have a good heart! and apparently, baked or fried is no good - microwaved is the way to go! you're ahead of the game and you didn't even know it. And dark chocolate has in cancer-fighting agents. ohohoho - I see lots of good times ahead.
I'm on msn right now. I have been for the past week. for bad reasons in part - I'm trying to "pick up a cute guy" as one friend put it. but then today i realised the other reason I'm on all the time. being online is like hanging out at Cheers - everyone knows my name. there is a community of friends that I am instantly connected to by simply typing a password - like opening a door. I don't have to talk to any of them. I just like knowing that they are around me and we're all doing something in common - we're all sitting infront of our computers (like sitting around the bar). I even have a bartender that I can tell all my sorrows to. ain't life great?
so I pull up my mug. take a long drink. and drown all my sorrows in the web.
:)
(heart) tulip

In the air

Christmas time is (almost) here

I thought i'd try to find something more seasonally appropriate in terms of colour, and so I came up with green - reminiscent of our lovely Spadina house Christmas Trees (come by and see it!).
speaking of Christmas trees - today on the CBC they were talking about the controversy that often arises as the season becomes less religious - and more PC (that's "politacally correct" - for those of you who think PC means a certain political party...)
and how some bend over backwards to the point where it becomes exclusive and offensive to Christians. And then they also spoke about a recent thing where the City of Boston recieved a Christmas tree, which they then renamed Holiday tree -
Bostonian were then threatened by the gifters with a lawsuit for the name change - they said the tree had been used in an unintended way....
but wait
I don't remember hearing mention of a Christmas tree in the Bible... if I'm not mistaken Mary and Joseph lived miles away from any such trees - their concern was baby- centred, not encircling a evergreen plant. here's an interesting note on Christmas trees that I found at http://www.holidays.net/christmas/tree.htm

The tradition of a holiday tree has been around since ancient times and has played an important part in winter celebrations for many centuries. Many pagan festivals used trees when honoring their gods and spirits. In Northern Europe the Vikings considered the evergreen a symbol and reminder that the darkness and cold of winter would end and the green of spring would return. The Druids of ancient England and France decorated oak trees with fruit and candles to honor their gods of harvests. At the festival Saturnalia the Romans decorated trees with trinkets and candles.

There have also been many legends surrounding the lore of the Christmas tree. In one story Saint Boniface, an English monk, came upon a group of pagans who had gathered around an oak tree and were preparing to sacrifice a child. To stop the sacrifice and save the child, the Saint flattened the oak tree with one blow of his fist. A small fir sprang up in its place, which Saint Boniface told the pagans was the Tree of Life and represented the life of Christ.

Another legend tells of Martin Luther, the founder of the Protestant religion, walking through the woods late one night. As it was clear, many stars were shining through the branches of the trees giving the impression of twinkling lights. Luther was so inspired by the beauty of the sight that he cut down a small evergreen and brought it home. He recreated the stars by putting candles on the tree's branches.

But really, these are just legends - there is not even actual tradition explaining what the deal is with the tree. So what I'm saying is - I don't get why people get so offended about calling a Christmas tree a "holiday tree" when really, that's what it is - and it has little, if anything, to do with Christmas at all.
I'm not saying that I don't think it a wonderful way to bring beauty into your home, a great seasonal tradition to start and continue, I'm not saying that I don't enjoy Christmas trees and what they've come to mean to me. but I am saying we should think twice when we make silly arguments on the radio.

Voice-Over

hi
me again.

I've been thinking about a blog that Sappho wrote a while back called "Voice". It was early September so I guess I've put off writing about my thougts for a long while - which is mainly because of the problem that I'm about to mention. I've been feeling that all I've been hearing for the longest while has been my own voice. I feel as though I can hear it constantly - nag, nag, complain, complain, murmur, murmur. do you know what I mean? like a child almost "I'm hungry, I'm full, I'm tired, I'm bored, I'm annoyed with this fellow, I like this guy, I don't like this guy anymore, I'm tired of this situation, I'm tired of that situation, I'm tired, I'm worried about the future, I don't care about the future, I have no money, I want to buy that book, I have too much work to do,........" and on and on and on....do you see what I mean. I feel as though I've been so inward focused (aka self absorbed) that I've been missing - well missing. missing perspective, unable to make long term plans, unable to think of others. my voice is constantly on and blocking out all other voices.
I feel as though I could do with a vacation from my own voice. And in that vacation I could remember what on earth I'm here for (what I'm here on earth for) and how I can be of help to everyone else here on earth.
Yesterday there was an article on CBC radio about Spirit councellors in the Quebec school system. Their "job" is to help children to find God - whatever the God of thier religion... or rather, to help them look for Him. One of the clips was trying to teach children how to meditate and the difficulties children encountered in doing this - they had the same reasons I do.
I think I'd like to learn to silence my voice - the one filled with doubts, complaints and distractions. the one that focuses only on the immediate present, immediate past, and the immediate future instead of the big picture.

breathe.

p.s Nutella ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm talking ROCKS!!!!!!! and I love it - not like - LOVE.

"Jungle Boogie"?

hi folks
I keep on checking my blog to see if I've updated yet.
I've come to the conclusion that the only way to see something new on my blog - is for me to put it there. so here I am - putting it there.
I hope you guys are doing well. I am. I am sufficiently recovered from the last four weeks - just crazy crazy school work - I went for an entire month without doing laundry.... :s awful, I know - but don't worry (as I assured my distressed rooommate) I wore clean underwear everyday. now, I know that you didn't need to know that - but just incase it ran through your mind (I know it did) (also, K was only distressed because I told her about the underwear, she's such a sweetheart that she never wants to know such personal details - {I think they offend her delicate nature [joke!!]}) (sorry, K - look at me making digs at you on my blog! shame on me!!!!)
also, just reading over my last sentence - I remembered how I used to feel so overwhelmed in secondary school (that's kinda like highschool for you north americans - think Harry potter - it lasts for 7 years) that there were times when I described it as such: "I feel as though the little people in my head have taken off all their clothes and are running around in their panties and briefs" - that must have been extreme distress on my part I think - or at least - that's what I felt like doing.
hmm
I just had to read over to get back to my original train of thought - that was quite a tangent.
I was busy, now I'm not. I still have lot's of things to do (and probably won't be doing laundry until dec21 when exams are done) but I'm suffering from a bit of rebound from the last round - i.e. I don't feel like getting into a tizzy, but sure enough I will be soon.... whether I want to or not.

this blog is quite long. so I will write the rest of my thougts in another blog: whereby giving me even more new blogs by me to read :).

water

hallo
I know it's been a while... yeah, well, what can you do?
anyways, I just wanted to let you know about my eventful weekend.

Yesterday I came home around ten pm. I was exhausted (I'd left to go to practice at 10am {I'm in my Church's Christmas production - so you guys should come see - especially if I end up doing a solo - I'm not to sure about the solo though - it's a Whitney Houston (sp?) song that needs to be sung with soul - however: "I got soul but I'm not a soldier" [wink]}. and then I hung out with a friend, then hurried home and left again for a concert with the Choir - the concert was great) - so anyways, I was exhausted and when I finally crawled into bed it was soaking wet. I kid you not - there was large wet spot through my teeshirt, through my comforter, my sheets all the way to my mattress. I was intrigued but exhausted and noone else was home but Tom. So I changed my sheets, put down a towel and went to bed. I thought maybe someone had spilled a glass of water (somehow) on my bed. this morning I spoke to K and Soupy (who stayed over lastnight)
Tulip: "would either of you know about a big wet spot that I found on my bed?"
Soupy: "uhhh....ummmm...I don't think I should comment on that... finding wet spot on your bed"
Tulip: "Soupy!!! very funny, I found that spot last night - before I went to bed!!"
Soupy:"oh, then I have no idea"

anyways - neither of them knew anything about it - they both suspect Tom. I smelled the sheets at the time and nothing was amiss (but truth be told I can't actually always smell ammonia - it's true - I once astounded my chem class when my teacher put a tube of ammonia to my face saying that she wouldn't put it any closer for fear of burning my nose off and I still couldn't smell a thing- that's right folks - I'm a medical wonder!!) so maybe my testimony of Tom's innocence is not the greatest. but why would he do such a thing - I mean, yeah it's his favourite spot, but there is absolutely no need to mark it -we all know it's his. hmm.

today I helped in the church nursery. it's funny how one person - grown or otherwise can throw you right off. One baby girl (she was soo cute) started to cry and no matter what I did (I changed, fed and cajoled her) she remained inconsolable (it's a good word - very accurate) until her father came, at which point she fell happily asleep - grrrr.... but while she cried - piercingly, in such a distressed manner it was as though the world would end - I couldn't focus on anything or anyone else. I felt like crying myself when it was all over - that can be so jangling to one's nerves.... I don't know if kids are where it's at for me....

lastly, there was a seminar after church and at the end of it I picked up an open bottle of water that was under my chair and had a good drink, then I looked into my bag and noticed that my bottle of water was still there.... ummmm...uhhh... uhoh. don't you hate that?! have you ever done that? drunk someone else's water. ew!!!!!!!! I didn't know what to do.. I can only shake my head and pray that it was some happy healthy person... or else that maybe I had two bottles of water in my handbag..... :(

water - whether in the form of a mysterious puddle in my bed, tears from an inconsolable seven month old, or from someone else's water bottle - water can be very distressing (for me at least - this weekend)
tulip

Autumnal

I really like that word - for some reason it makes me happy.
It seems some night last week all the trees on our street changed to orange-yellow, yes indeed - the fall is here. I can smell it in the air and it makes me excited - changing seasons always do. Fall for me is always the start of a new term, something with lots of potential.
So I've given my colours a bit of a change because I feel that they should be more seasonally appropriate - K's are actually what I consider to be "fall", but to spare myself and you the confusion I chose these instead.
here's to changing seasons and the joys they bring (did someone say Christmas??!!)
tulip

Intimate yet interesting

So the other day I went shopping with my friend R - R and I have realised that she is me (and I am her) - she shares with me an insane love for Bubble tea, and she has the same sense of humor - although we do differ in our feelings about clothing and shopping. She cares about what's "in"; about what others are wearing, what colour is in season, in fashion, in vogue and I couldn't care less about any of it. When it comes to shopping, and clothing I follow the three C's: Comfort, Convenience and Cost. if it's comfortable I wear it - but only within a certain cost range. but no thrift shopping for me - I'm all about convenience - sifting through cool finds is NOT my cup of tea - one stop shopping is where it's at.
So anyways - (speaking of C's and cups) back to our shopping expidition (which was more composed of looking at things and her trying to convince me that it would look amazing and me resisting firmly) - we went into a ladies underwear store - and the staff was so helpful - they helped me pick out the right size bra and fixed and pulled to show me how things are supposed to fit. now - it was a bit odd to have strangers get so intimate - but to good end - for, apparently, I (like many women in North America) have been wearing the wrong size bra for years. life took on a whole new meaning in that day (ok, I exagerate a little -but it was quite neat). so for those ladies reading - try it out -you might learn something exciting about yourself :)

The other thing that I have encountered recently - intimate yet interesting. It's that God knows all our secrets. This might seem a strange thing to say - so I should complete the sentence... God knows all our secrets and loves us regardless of them. I was thrilled(/relieved) by this revelataion because I recently learned a secret that set me thinking - about acceptance, about the fears we often have of opening ourselves to others. fear that they will reject us, think less of us, judge us - and sometimes (sadly) they do (I try my best to never be one of those people). But, happily, I realised yesterday - that there is always this garauntee of His love, and I felt - better. I felt relieved to know that it is possible (to love regardless of - to love unconditionally). So that means (through Him) that I can do it too.

Lastly - I just need to say - guys don't get it! MEN!!!!! you just don't get it!!!!
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
a woman needs to hear it said (multiple times). get it?
humph.

heart tulip

teapot

[overheard yesterday]
guy: you're wearing noisy shoes
girl: I am not wearing noisy shoes, I'm wearing authoritative shoes
guy: you're wearing noisy shoes

I used to agree with the guy - now I agree with the girl. I don't have much to say, except maybe - isn't it funny how things change as you get older - like the grades you think are acceptable, or the people you think are acceptable. Or the plans you make - like recently I realised that my plans, my thought-plans, my unformed daydreams of my future have taken an unexpected, unannounced turn - it's not a bad turn -it's just that it happened without my even knowing. and now I know I'm trying to create thought-plans for myself that acknowledge alternatives without blindly plowing ahead in one direction... I'm trying to reshift my paradigm.
'Paradigm' is a wonderful word that I first encountered in the book called The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (by Stephen R. Covey)- I think I was reading the one for teens written by his son (Sean Covey). I don't claim to have followed any of the advise of the book (I am often in no way 'highly effective' - infact, it seems that I am more often the opposite of it) nor do I even think I finished reading the book. but anyways - it's a good one and if you were thinking of reading it ever - I'd say - go for it. The author introduced some very key ideas to my thinking (like "be proactive" vs reactive and "think win/win"). So, back to paradigm (pronounced "para - dime") - the instance in which I am using it is defined in the online dictionary (www.dictionary.com) as follows

A set of assumptions, concepts, values, and practices that constitutes a way of viewing reality for the community that shares them, especially in an intellectual discipline.

and it was a very useful concept for me - before I heard about it - I didn't even know that I had a paradigm (a way of seeing the world) - let alone that it was different from other peoples or what it was influenced by and based on. Now I try to think of it constantly when trying to understand things from other people's points of view (very difficult most days). So, what I'm saying is, I've had an unconscious paradigm shift which I'm working on. just thought I'd share that tidbit with you.
Oh - and just for a bit more insight into the inner workings of Tulip - the shift was along the lines of "hmm... maybe T.O is not such a bad city after all, maybe I could stay - longer..."


I was going to label this blog "change", then I thought I should label it "coins", then I thought of "No, coins please" (eh, K?:)), and then I thought - I should do a word association and label it the first thing that comes to mind when I think of the word "change" - and "teapot" was it. so, what's the first thing that comes to your mind when I say the word "rake"?

Have I ever steered you wrong?

so K, ever the diligent roommate - has made it her goal to "complete" my list of facts about me. I have removed it from comments and copied it to today's blog. Many are accurate and I've clarified some with my own additions in italics and braces. read and enjoy. Thanks K!

(I like it how they seem to revolve around food.)

spartacus said...

Ok, so two facts eh? We need another 98. And since I'm SUCH a great roommate, I'm going to help you out with that my dear Tulip. I will do my darndest to supply those 98 facts. Let’s go.

3. You don't like to be poked.

4. You don't like it when people point.

5. You like raisins. (I LOVE raisins)

6. You love Tom. (I like Tom)

7. You love Nina Simone.

8. You grew up with breadfruit trees in your backyard.

9. You like to hide under your desk to compose yourself when you're all awry. (ok, ok.. that's the truth - but don't judge me by it - we all have our moments)

10. You don't like people to touch you. (it's ok if some people touch me - it's mainly strangers I don't like)(just had to clarify so you don't think I'm a freak or anything)

11. You like to get your digs at me. (true story!)

12. Tom likes to get his digs at you. (unfortunately, also a true story - it's the Spadina house cycle of love)

13. He's your cat. (He's not my cat!)

14. You cry at movies very easily. (you got a problem with that?!)

15. You love to sing.

16. You don't wear jewelry often.

17. You are not afraid of spiders.

18. You like to recycle.

19. You've traveled to Japan.

20. You have short toes.

21. You don't mind because they are your Grandma's toes.

22. You're beautiful (Grammy Phillips said so). (aww:))

23. You like to read funny books.

24. You love to cook new things.

25. You prefer dark chocolate.

26. You like to conserve electricity.

27. You are very private when you have a bad day.

28. You like to share when you have a great day!! (After you regroup under your desk). (LOL)

29. You didn't sleep with a pillow for years until last summer.

30. You take good care of your fingernails.

31. You like Robarts a whole lot. (umm, I don't know how I feel about that one)

32. You like the song "Lost Together" by Blue Rodeo. (I do now ;))

33. You like wheat squares a LOT.

34. You will never travel with Kyle and me again. (neither will I.)

35. You like to dance down the street.

36. You love babies (tick tick tick...)

37. It is impossible for you to sit still for the duration of a movie. (what can I say - it's true - except at theatres - there is no pause button in movie theatres - but there should be!)

38. You do not worship any celebrities.

39. You don't really know about any celebrities. (why waste my time - they don't know me - yet)

40. You have socks with holes.

41. You like to wear them.

42. You don't like it when I comment on that. (friggin' right!)

43. You're a talented whistler. (so are you)

44. You're a talented painter. (why thankyou)

45. You like maps.

46. You hate combing out your hair.

47. You like to give high fives. (*high five!*)

48. You are a MINIMALIST.

49. You like Christmas almost as much as I do.

50. You do not appreciate "Home Improvement" during the afternoon hours when you're trying to nap. (some days there is a whole lot of 'hammering' going on at Spadina)

51. You pioneer with cooking techniques (boiling radishes...who'd've thought?) (let's not speak of that)

52. You wear sunscreen every day.

53. You like to have a cheering section when you get ready for a date. (and a great cheering section you make!)

54. You love to volunteer.

55. You like to listen to Jacksoul and Natalie Cole.

56. You come up with absolutely insane ideas for inventions (like levitating tables and chairs). (you know - to prevent the banging of toes)

57. You like to buy fresh fruit and vegetables from Kensington Market.

58. You like to roast marshmallows over the stove and make s'mores.

59. You say "Oh Kailey" about 100 times a day.

60. You say "That's what I'm talkin' about" about a hundred times a day.

61. You are losing your ability to communicate with the outside world due to the new language you are using called "Spadina Talk". ("Oh Kailey! that's what I'm talking about!")

62. You like drinking tea.

62. You do not like Kraft Dinner.

63. You do like mangoes.

64. You do not like tofu that much.

65. You really like chocolate cake.

66. I think it is actually impossible for you to sit still for periods of time longer than twenty minutes.

67. You like going to the library.

68. You don't like doing laundry.

69. You do like it when your laundry is clean.

70. You hang your clothes to dry on racks.

71. You are proud to be Canadian. (I'm also proud to be Barbadian)

72. You don't do roller coasters.

73. You like watching movies almost as much as I do.

74. You have two sisters.

75. You are a member of the stone church.

76. You travelled with the U of T Gospel choir to Japan.

77. You liked the movie "Silver Streak" with Gene Wilder.

78. You didn't like the movie "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" with Gene Wilder.

79. You used to pronounce ‘says’ as ‘sayes’ rather than the proper ‘sez’.

80. You still pronounce ‘sandwich’ as ‘sangwich’.

81. Your bed is the squeakiest bed in the history of squeaky beds.

82. You sleep with t-shirt material bed sheets. (and soo comfy they are!)

83. You have a giant tiger that is supposed to act like a pillow.

82. You never use it as a pillow.

83. You like the spice basil. (I *love* it)

84. You like to make chicken with vanilla and basil.

85. You like listening to the vinyl café.

86. You listen to CBC Radio (you good Canadian, you)

87. You cried during a really funny ‘I Love Lucy’ sketch. (what can I say - I get emotional some days - it was really good)

88. You really really like chocolate cake. (you said it before but my love is so strong it should be said many times more)

89. You don’t like to make bakes.

90. You make them anyway because you know how much I like them.

91. You buy loads of bananas, don’t eat them all, and then freeze them when they turn brown with the intention that they will someday be made into banana bread.

92. It is seldom that those black frozen bananas make it into bread.

93. You get really excited when I add extra chocolate chips to anything.

94. You have awesome hair when you let it out and it’s all crazy and sassy (and sexy) (*gasp! Blush! Smile!) (why thankyou blush*)

95. You’re dating a really great man who can sing (and does! On command!) (:) He once did a mean rendition of Lost Together - that's why I love it)

96. You are an amazing listener.

97. You offer sound, unbiased advice when it is asked for, but never ever offer it unless asked.

98. You can keep time when you dance.

99. You take care of me. (you take care of me)

100. You’re the best roommate that a roommate could ask for. (aww, thanks man, you're not so bad yourself)
- spart
-tulip

The KISS principle

Recently K wrote a blog called "100 facts about me" - the title is pretty self explanatory. the blog that she wrote before that was aptly called "I like Stuff" about how she is NOT a minimalist. I felt encouraged to write a response to both of these pieces so here goes. for those of you who know me well, you will know how I feel about waste - wasted things especially (even too the point where I will eat boiled radishes so they don't go to waste!)(let's not speak of that anymore)(I have no problem wasting time though!) - and extras - I dislike extras (except for extra comments in brackets - I quite like those). My dad taught me a principle called the KISS principle - and I have tried always to live with this in mind (though whether or not I stick to it I leave you to decide) - KISS is an acronym for the phrase "keep it simple stupid" - it's very useful. I think it sums me up to a T (no pun intented). and just for the record - I do not consider myself to be a minimalist - I own more than 2 shirts and therefore have excess... but perhaps one day I will succeed:). So here it is:

1 FACT ABOUT ME
a)I like to keep it simple
b)I'm very easy to please (which is really the same as a) but I thought that I should elaborate a bit because it's a very important aspect)


ps. I must admit to a bit of madness in the previous blogs - I claim no responsibility for it all (comments included) even though it is in some ways my own.... I'm saying my evil twin did it!

C!

now you're really making me blush.
I wasn't going to write but then I read the new comments posted on my last blog and I had to say something: C!.... (hmmn!).......! (wink)....!... (blush)...!
LOL
I know that may seem a little indecipherable but I think the person it's for understands it.
umm moving on.
yesterday I learned something new - that no matter how long I speak the English language I will NEVER have a grip on it. Apparently "sez" is the correct pronunciation of "says" and all my life I've been saying "says" thinking everyone else was wrong! Well!
Otherwise it's been pretty eventful - last week classes started -much to say on those but right now I just want to sleep so I'll address class later and keep it short (have just been wanting to sleep for the past week...grrr).

So... yesterday ..... (drum roll!)................. I met the parents!!!!!!!!!! eeek! it went relatively well - I hope.... my wonderful beau reassuringly told me that I was great - so I'll take his word on it and worry no more. (eeeek!) It was good though - something that I hadn't realised but which was kinda cool, was hearing little stories about him from his mum and sister when he was not around - it's kinda neat learning about him from people who are familiar enough with him to be very frank, but love him enough to be kind.
before I went I asked my sister for words of encouragement (I hope you don't mind me sharing this Saf, I thought it was hilarious!)

Tulip: "so I'm meeting -'s parents tomorrow, I need some words of encouragement"
Dr Robby:"Fart before you leave home"
Tulip:"What?!"
Dr Robby:"No really, relax, just be yourself and take something"
Tulip:"what? like drugs?"
Dr Robby:"No! like icecream, that way if things get uncomfortable, you can say - 'does anyone want icecream?' and have some"

isn't my sister the best?! and just for the record - when I was telling the story to K she thought that Saf had meant drugs too.
In fact - drugs were probably just on the brain - we recently watched Half Baked (sorry for telling K - I just wanted to put things in perspective) {for those who are not familiar with it - Half Baked is about 4 pot heads who try to bale their friend out of jail by becoming drug dealers} - for those who know us it's a highly unlikely movie for K and I to watch but hey- it was funny. While we were watching it one night we actually got to meet a "pothead" of sorts - he was very nice and was visiting with a friend of K's. He asked us if we've never smoked the cheeba (sp?) before.... LOL -K didn't even know what he was talking about. I laughed and told him that he'd have to dum it down for us - we aren't familiar with the lingo...lol
So on that note - I'll just have to let you know that we are becoming educated on all kinds of things -english language, sex, weed.
good times, good times.
Tulip

Here comes the Sun

This morning K said to me -
"Where is the sun? There's no motivation to get up if there's no sunshine. Do you know what I mean?"
I had no idea what she meant - I was in the act of pouring raisins into my bran flakes (aside:- ahh bran flakes how I love thee - let me count the ways: I love the way you taste - not too sweet; I love the way that you crunch; I love the way that you're so healthy for me; I love the way that you support raisins so well in the morning) and all I could think was - this is a reason to get up every morning! Once again I must declare my eternal love for raisins. Today I got a new take on it - Raisins are sunshine displaced - (like the displacement of energy: it can never be destroyed) - Sunshine shines onto grapes which converts this wonderful energy into Goodness and in the process are transformed to lovely shrively perfect Raisins.
(scientific format: Sunshine + Grapes = Goodness + Raisins)
which explains why I can jump out of bed come rain, come shine (come sleet) so long as there are raisins in my cupboard: I take my sunshine on my cereal!


On another note on lovely Spadina house interactions... recently I left K for the weekend (I spent a wonderful time at Western with one of my bestfriends - good food, good friends - good times!). K tells me that her weekend was bereft without me (well she didn't put it quite like that). she did say that Tom was nuisance - even when soaking wet. She also said that one night at twelve her next door neighbour started to hammer something in.... we cannot conclude if this means that they were doing the horizontal tango or interior designing at midnight - we hold strong for the latter. Yesterday evening I decided to lie in bed for a few minutes (naps are good - even at 7pm) when my slumber was interupted by a woman's scream. now, people scream all the time - we live right on the main road - opposite a university - there are engineers, frosh and all manner of weirdos - but after a while even I had to concede that this type of screaming was of a different nature (blush).... all I have to say is - "ohhh 666 - how you constantly keep us amused. "

cheers, tulip

Beautiful Babies

Hi all
I feel much better today. I went to my family's and had dinner, and a nice chat with my aunt - sometimes family can have the most wonderful, comforting, settling way of calming you. then I had a good nite's sleep - complete with Tom blowing in my ear to wake me up so he could pass without stepping on my head.
So today I've decided that second chances are ok - for anyone. for everyone. (the great Tulip has decided!) just don't ask me what I think about third chances.....
Today I held an adorable baby girl, she knows my face, she knows the sound of my voice - it's a beautiful thing when babies recognize you - you feel as though it is perhaps the most important recognition in your life, as though your personal value has increased many-fold, you feel - SPECIAL!!!!!
Here's to babies' smiles!
tulip

We really are ordinary people

we really should take it slow.
So it's been a long while since I've last written. much has happened since then. For instance I went on a trip with K to Nova Scotia - we had a time.... Nova Scotia is a beautiful place.
Also, today C is moving to London ON... bye C! have fun! I'll miss you! (tear). and on Monday H is moving to Kingston. Bye H! I'll miss you! (tear)
Tomorrow my cousin goes to Ottawa for uni (you won't read this but I'll miss you - tear). Nat is back in T.O. (yay! I missed you) In short - there is lots of moving and changing going on.
I started a new volunteering position (or rather the same position with a new family) - another mother with twins. I think that new mothers and mothers-to-be are beautiful.
I've started- I've made a friend (I cringe away from the phrase "started a new relationship" it's an icky phrase full of all sorts of confusing connotations - I just want to keep it simple). I think that he is wonderful.
But today what's foremost on my mind - apart from K's Birthday - HAPPY BIRTHDAY K! and Nate and David and Ruth and Brenda and Clare (Fischer) who have recently come back into my life (wink) - welcome back guys!
What's foremost on my mind is second chances. I know second chances are key - we are/were all given a second chance when Jesus died on the cross. But there was a time when I thought that in certain situations second chances just shouldn't happen. I don't know - today I had to rearrange my thinking on it.... I'm having difficulty with this... I'm distressed by it... I don't know how to process it... I need reassurance about it....
do you know what I mean? how we have to rearrange our thoughts as we get older.... how it's so weird. hmm. what do you think about second chances?
unsettled,
tulip

I am Ordinary People

Maybe we should take it slow (John Legend). Just listening to this song over and over - it makes me feel better. Here's a part that I love:


Take it slow
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave, maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
We never know baby youuuu and I
[Chorus]

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow


Sometimes I leak! We all leak I suppose... it's like a tire - we must.... leak. I had no idea how shaky I am on self confidence in certain matters.... why don't they have classes on that in high school - that's something I could apply in real life.
tulip

Drops of Jupiter

"Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken

your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you're wrong"

Drops of Jupiter - Train

I've been singing that song in my head all day. I borrowed the album from the Library (I even love the Canadian Library system - what can I say?- I love Canada!) and I've listened to that song continuously - there's something about that song. I think that it has drugs in it. Like Guster (a band) and that song Fast Ball ("was I out of my head? was I out of my mind?") - it's music that just keeps you coming back for more, music that just makes me feel heady - hungry for.... something. Natalie Cole makes me feel that way too.. and Molly Johnson..hmm this list is longer than I thought it would be.

p.s. today I heard the best sentence for the year so far - one more laden with (hope?)and (possibility?)..... and (I don't know what)... than you can imagine.... it was this:
"slow and steady wins the race"
wow
still smiling.
Talibah

My Baby would you be my summer rain?

it's raining again - and finally getting cooler. Sometimes the rain feels like a release. It washes clean and leaves you feeling as though you've breathed out - a nice long breath out. the grass is getting green instead of the old tired dusty yellow... and it's breathable outside, cool and breathable.
I know this is weather talk of a sort, but not merely that - this is also how I feel - as though I am breathing out - relaxing after a few weeks of tension... smiling after a bit of a drought...happy. tentatively so - I know that tomorrow will be sweltering hot once more and I'll be itchy to leave the city. but right now I am happy exactly where I am and smiling that happy grin you get after you've met a kindred spirit: one who is not afraid to walk down Front street with you singing loudly:).
Here's to Rain's Release and Happy Days.
tulip

Hey now Ho Now, Fooba Wooba Jon

Heard a cow say meow
Fooba wooba, fooba Wooba
Heard a cow say meow?
Fooba Wooba Jon,
Heard a cow say meow
then I heard it say bow-wow!
Hey Jon! ho Jon! Fooba Wooba Jon!

real words to a song! ask me sometime - I'll sing it for you.... and this is not even a strange verse.
hmmm
tulip

Summer Rain

hallo
so today the squirrels in Queen's Park were doing some weird sort of ritual rain-dance. I passed at least 3 of them doing it - they each had a stick (usually a thick one, about the length of their body - maybe a bit longer) and would hold the stick in the front paws - run a few steps and then lie down on their backs with the stick between all four legs and wriggle a bit...... I kid you not - I saw it...... with my own eyes........
did I ever tell you about the squirrels in Queen's Park? In first year Bio we figured out that they are probably so awfully inbred and isolated that they are all crazy or have formed some sub species of squirrel. Queen's park is encircled by a road-way and although some squirrels make it across it is hypothesized that the gene transfer must be pretty low. further evidence for this can be found in the fact that the squirrels do appear to suffer from various ailments as would suggest some level of inbreeding (or too much Toronto air) - they are unkempt, unhealthy and very aggressive (the reason I don't cross Queen's Park alone at night). When I first came here I was terrified. My fears were confirmed when I saw a squirrel attack a lady... - it was in Vic (across the street from the Park - apparently, neighbouring populations also show signs of madness) right infront of my residence - a lady was eating some cheese cake, she was sitting on a bench. the fiend came up, all innocent, begging for food, soon he'd jumped onto the back of the bench, then he'd crawled down her front and into her lap (by this point, myself and the others watching were too stunned to provide any help - had it been me on that chair I would have been FREAKING OUT) - the lady just stood up and shook the culprit away. then she offered it a piece of cake on her fork - the squirrel grabbed the cake - and the fork and ran away..... from that day forth I've stayed far away from T.O squirrels.

"Summer rain, whispers me to sleep and wakes me up again" Carl Thomas - Summer Rain

(heart) tulip

Big Moon

Won't you stay?

I just saw a cool car liscence plate - it said 2th Fary. I didn't get it until I said it out loud. Another good one I saw is I FRGT - And I heard the guy telling a joke to a cop about being asked for the liscence # - to which he replies "I forget".

There are so many things to talk about - like my wonderful weekend - I watched Fight Club (THE BEST MOVIE ever!) for the first time.. and I got to go to outside T.O and swim in C's pool and listen to the sound of no traffic. And other stuff.. only - right now - all I want to do is go back outside under the big, bright moon - it's a glowy kind of yellow - and huge - hanging in the sky somewhere next to the CN Tower.

ttyl
tulip

underoverunderoverunderover.. Jazz is city music

hallo
so far for the day I've had 2 suggestions on blogs - so I think I'll get both at once ...and while on the subject {of getting 2 birds with one stone} I'll share with you a line I wrote in an email to a friend [I hope you don't mind, friend]
"that way you could get 2 birds at one time (who said you had to kill 2 birds - I think it far better to feed them and let them sing at the same time - maybe harmonize).. "

so anyways
1. Jazz is for the city. K and I were listening to Jazz today and we started to talk about the different kinds of music that go with different places. I fully believe - especially since I've moved to the city - that Jazz is City music - I feel it so much more here. K said -it's condo music.. and it is - it's sophisticated, artsy, grownup type... although that's not where it began. It's now considered (to us anyways) middle to upper class type of tunes - whereas it started out on the streets and bars - in the lowest parts of cities.. isn't it funny how things change?
So then we went through different places - like country is country music (at which point I became horrified that there would ever be a place where one *must* listen to country music)... so K explained - if you live on a farm -you know the radio on in the kitchen playing the country tunes... - but she agreed that cottage country could be classical. And coast (especially east coast) would be blue grass.. ummm folk music.
The north is Rock/ metal. And city-university res living would be alternative type stuff. and pop and R n B fits in somewhere in all this. I think prairie is Country too (lol, I guess I'm never going to the prairies then)....
what music do you associate with different places? any thoughts?

2. I hate epics - no, that's not quite right - we just watched Ben Hur and it was really good - it's not epics I dislike- it's I don't know -unnecessary drama I think... it's a fine line - for instance - I was disappointed with Titanic - it was a great movie in many ways - but I felt that they had Leonardo die in the end just to make it suitably tragic - I mean - couldn't they just alternate on the darn door?! And American Beauty: Two hours of my life I will never get back! (sorry to those of you I'm offending - K and I went through this but I think she's forgiven me - she owns them both) - although I must say, I'm kinda glad I watched it for now it has become a standard - when someone recommends a movie to me I say - "what did you think of American Beauty?". I had a lesson with that when I watched "Dancer in the Dark" with a girl in res... she was in raptures that it had been rented and proclaimed that it was her 2nd favourite movie in the whole world... I watched the movie with her (there really is brilliance to it - but don't see it if you have a weak stomach and definitely don't see it alone - it's awful!.. Brilliant - but awful - Bjork is the main singer - nuff said)quoting a review (culturevulture.net) "When it's over, it's a safe bet that no one will walk out of the theater feeling good. But more importantly...no one will walk out feeling nothing at all."
and only after watching the entire thing did I think to ask if she'd seen American Beauty - she says (swoons)..(ok that's kinda harsh, anyways) - "That's my *favourite* movie ever."
.....
nuff said
I don't know - I just left thinking - do these people have such boring lives that they must make themselves feel terrible by watching this stuff? isn't life terrible enough sometimes?
but maybe I was missing the point.
now don't get me wrong - I like a to cry at movies (I told you - I cried at I Love Lucy the other day)- but I don't like to walk away feeling like poking my eye out. know what I mean?
so that was my little vent. recently I went to the library and asked the librarian to recommend happy books (I'm reading "Can you Keep a secret"'it's by Sophie Kinsella - the author of Confessions of a Shopaholic (I just started reading the review but then stopped for Can You Keep a Secret- I think reviews [ and book backs] spoil books), and I'm having a great time of it. although I don't know if I can say it's "good" persay - why does good always seem to mean sad....

so, that was a mighty long blog - thanks for staying till the end. I'm off to make some salmon and read somemore.
(heart)tulip

under over under over

hey
so far I've spent the day running from one sprinkler to another -it's HOT, plus, I love that exilerated feeling when you run through a shower in a public place (wink). I went to work -but discovered that I don't have work today (or at least I don't think I do, if I do then I just shafted my boss...lol), I'm not at all put out though - because it's way too hot to do anything substantial - plus, I'm excited to go home - continue tidying my room, take out these cornrows (they're mighty tight) and daydream somemore.. I tell you - it's addictive.
tulip

Going up....?

hallo,
so I recently made up a riddle thingee and since I have not had a rush of responses I figure that no one's been reading, no one cares, or you're all stumped (except for C who was able to guess it in a sleep induced state of mind). So, once again, here is the question.

my day is spent in vertical to's and fro's,
I come when called and where you list I go.
what am I?

the answer's at the bottom. On another note I'm wondering about stuff. what about stuff? well... just stuff.. my job is surreal; it's been too hot to be allowed (35degrees C? plus the humid-X..) what is that?!!!; and I hung out with a cute guy who bares a close resemblance (perhaps too close a resemblance) to my old boyfriend (I hate the phrase "my ex" and I refuse to use it - ever!) (not physical resemblance - it's this thing - this calmness.. this personality trait thingee) It sucks - that calm that I find so darned attractive in men (boys?). You know - every woman has something that leaves her incabable of... of clear thought, leaves her stuck on one thing... leaves her miles ahead of the present (and any possible reality) - why.. why .. why do we need men anyways? (the eternal question I suppose) - or rather - why must we need them so?
so anyways - that was a bit of a whine and I apologise. I'll try not to do it too often. I realise that this is (at least) my second entry which is not totally clear -but fear not - just like an impressionist painting eventually it will all take shape (or maybe not - since this is my life) and become a thing of beauty.
elevator is the answer! get it?!!!
(heart) tulip

Recurring Dreams

daydreams....
what is that? I thought that you had control over your daydreams... don't you?

I dream
daydreams
daycreams
filled with you dreams
fine schemes
loaded
bloated
flooded
studded
get to know means
unfullfilled dreams
shake my head
fold my fists in
dream rock
moon smock
quit removin

I dream
day dreams
under
over
under
over
under
over
head spun
mood done
daydreams

tulip

< shakes head >... what a suck

hiho
(everytime I think "hiho", I think "hiho, Kermit T. Frog here" - remember - When Kermit used to be the daily news reporter on Seseme Street and interviewed all kinds of people - like Don Music ["I'll never get it, never get it *booonngg*])

I'm such a suck because I keep on reading about weddings -well - it's not really my fault I suppose - it's in the air - that time of year, and I know some people who are planning to or have recently tied the knot. So anyways - I won't bore you with tales of them - just in my online browsings two lines stuck out....

Rhiana recently had her wedding ...15 months after the marriage - (I think that's the way to go: - cut out the cold feet and the hassle until you're already good and married - then you know what to expect after the honey moon) and she used the word 'gargantuan' in a sentence:
"We got gargantuan wedding presents, and each day I try to clear a path through the living room. We need a bigger apartment, or at least more outlets for all of my new kitchen appliances."

and Jay, who is engaged said the sweetest thing on the wedding webpage, he said "Beth is so easy to love.". Wow. That's as good as the line from that song: "your love is better than chocolate"! I love love somedays - it really is one of the greatest inspirations...

so, nothing much is going on with me. although I'm excited for school -have been for weeks now - I still haven't picked my courses - so I'll start that today. I should take this time to clarify why I've been excited for school - because I know what too expect - my days are filled and I don't have to jobsearch. so anyways - that's my task for the day.

here is a riddle that I thought up - maybe you can help me fine tune it (I like it when riddles rhyme but I need help finding a proper one)- so please post your suggestions and answers here:

my day is spent in vertical to's and fro's,
I come when called and where you list I go.
what am I?

I (heart) Canada

here are a few interesting facts that I have picked up in the past few days - from yahoo and msn home pages.
firstly we have a word I particularly like

gargantuan -
DEFINITION: (adjective) huge, colossal
EXAMPLE: The building of the Great Wall of China was one of the most gargantuan projects ever undertaken.
SYNONYMS: enormous, giant, large

At this time I want to take a moment to think of another example of this word in use:
Our cat, Tom is a gargantuan nuisance when he is hungry; he gets underfoot and meows at the top of his lungs.

here are some interesting thoughts on weight gain (not that I'm big into it- but these 2 stuck out)

*Fast-food salads
Fast-food salads can contain more calories than a burger. A McDonald's chicken caesar salad with dressing has 452 calories compared to a McChicken sandwich, with just 375. It pays to do your research

*Watching TV
If this doesn't get you away from the box, nothing will. Experts at Tulane University in the US have discovered that heart rate, blood pressure and metabolic rate slow so much while we watch TV that we burn 20-30 calories an hour less than if we simply sat still

ok - those were my random thoughts for the day. I hope that you are well.
tulip

p.s. happy belated Canada Day - it's newly become my second favourite place to be: Canada - the land of the free health care and education (in many ways at least) (and the land of generous income tax returns for students) yay!

p.s.

check out Tomtales
- I've posted a tale of adventure: love and betrayal (well, not really, but you can read and imagine that it is).
T

Everything's alright, yes. Everything's fine

That's the song going around in my head right now. I like that song - it's calm and restful although ironic - when it's sung everything's not fine. it's from the production Jesus Christ Superstar - I just saw it recently - I didn't like it very much - they left out the most important part, i.e. the Resurrection of Jesus Christ - and the event is much too important for me to overlook the omission and say that the music was good and the actors alright. The resurrection is the point upon which Christianity turns - this was not some dude who was good and died at the hands of men - this was the Son of God who rose victorious over death (getting rid of all my sins while so doing) - it's a pretty big omission. I was so mad when I finished watching it - I felt as though I'd been robbed of 2 hours of my life. During the movie I was willing to look over all the alterations: the portrayal of Jesus (as an unwilling man - just doing it for his reward) and all that business with Mary Magdalene - I was willing to overlook it all - but the ending was so pointless I shake my head and overlook none of it. I'm mad that an otherwise faithfull production was so ruined.
* * *
In other news.
today's air quality was so bad - I woke up unable to breath and all day I've been walking around with a sock in my chest. oh I need to leave Toronto.
But I did make it out to the gym this morning (without falling over) - it was great - it's the first time in months. I love exercise! that sweaty - working hard - getting rid of pent up energy feeling. although I probly shouldn't try it again when the weather's so bad - my lungs are probably shriveled with the effort.
here's to the rain coming soon.
tulip

Toronto is That way <- <-

So last night K and I went for our first official bike ride. I've been relearning how to ride (I still hold that it's possible to forget) - and this was supposed to be my first time doing more than just riding around the parking lot or around the track near Bathurst. And ride it was.
It all started quite nicely - we went through the burbs of Toronto - you know the neighbourhoods which have enough money to make you think that perhaps (if you had enough money for an actual front yard) Toronto wouldn't be such a bad place to live. K wanted to start me off on something easy instead of taking me up Casaloma or on one of the trails. around 9pm I suggested that we start heading home - I figured it was quite a ways and I didn't want to try out my night vision. So we started - heading home. We reached a nice biking path and started along it. it was quite scenic - a long stretch of road - few cars and lots of trees...
10 minutes after that K says "we should be reaching civilization soon"
"how come?"
"because we've been riding for quite a while"
10 minutes after that I say "we should be reaching civilization soon"
10 minutes after that we passed a grave yard....
and more trees
and more trees
(are you getting me?)
we have been singing to each other all this time - actually for the whole ride thus far "five hundred twentyfive thousand six hundred minutes?" (thanks C). we're singing loudly.
finally we come across two ladies - they are jogging towards us? K asks them how far the intersection is. they say to us "Toronto is that way". yeah - you got it right - the other way than we've been heading. The jogger continues: "I don't know what's that way - though there is an intersection".
K and I decide to continue to the intersection - in anycase - we can always turn back if need be.
yep, we needed to. especially when the bike way ended and highway began. about then K told me that she had no idea where we were....
We turned back. by now it was dark. we passed the Grave Yard again. (it was full moon too)(big and yellow)
Talked about Michael Jackson's Thriller, spiders (some of the tree branches were low). talked about how glad we were for street lights (they were few and far between - but at least they were there). and thought about being grabbed off the path by someone coming out of the dark trees (I later found out that K was having the exact thought - I'm glad neither of us voiced it then). We still sang - loudly.
needless to say we made it home safely (and have lived to tell the tale) and laugh at ourselves - two tourguides lost in Toronto.
K thinks I have cause to hate her and that I'll never ride with her again.
To that I say "what never ride again? the good times are only just beginning!"
cheers
tulip

...THE VORTEX...

K this one is for you.

Somewhere in the great universe there is a large void of darkness - we call it (place echo sound effect here) *the vortex*. It is a powerful entity which works in many ways to consume its victims: in the same way that a black hole devours all that is around it to such an extent that even light cannot escape, surely *the vortex* has similar effects. Upon nearing the entity, one is first attracted by some pleasing feature – perhaps it looks like a bed of roses – or maybe you hear nice music (insert flower animations and harps and flutes playing); once you have entered within range of its tentacles it slowly caresses, then – without warning – it strikes. It’s most effective weapon is guilt. You are made to believe that whatever has gone wrong is your fault, you worry constantly that it’s feelings will/have been hurt by something you have done or said – or worse still – something you haven’t said or done. You find yourself spending way more time than you’d planned – even if it’s not happy time spent. You find yourself laughing and smiling at jokes when really all you want to do is bang your head on a wall (or perhaps bang someone else’s head on a wall). In short – you walk on egg shells afraid there will be an explosion of the smoldering kind – the sulky smoldering kind – and when there is you do all that is possible to compensate, to correct.
I’m sure you’ve all come across a vortex by now – at least one person who has the ability to thoroughly depress within minutes. The type of person you walk away from feeling as though next time –perhaps you’ll just run the other way (and hope that they don’t see).
Well, guys - I wish I had a bit of knowlegde to impart - a way to make yourself more tolerant towards them. Sadly I don't know the answer. I want you to know though, that you are not alone - there are many sufferers out there, including me. My only insight is to take sometime to get to know them (bite the bullet, swallow the pill) but don't let them consume you - feel able to say "no" without feeling guilty - know that it's NOT your fault, know that it is within your right to walk away. Be strong my sisters (and brothers). Be strong.
tulip

quote for the day: "Besides, I'm morally opposed to back hair" K

a mutated form of PMS/ Call Centres how I hate thee - Let me count the ways

I hate the way you get my hopes up.

So today I went in for an interview for a call centre - don't yell at me - I didn't know that it was a call centre before I went - and so I prepared for a totally different interview - I thought it was a hostess type thing - needless to say I was sorely dissappointed when I saw the little cubicles - infact, my heart sank and I felt like bursting into tears (are you surprised?). the reason I was so confused is that I sent out an application 2 days ago for a hostess position with a survey group - so when a survey group called me the next day I just immediately assumed it was the same one, sadly this is not the case. I have very bad luck with call centres - or rather, it has nothing to do with luck - I hate telemarketing (and I especially hate it when people try to make it seem that it's something else - Don't lie about it - fess up and take your stinking telemarketing ways elsewhere!) and (happily) I am not the greatest salesman (I think I'm too compasionate for sales - when people tell me "no" - they have no money - I believe them, I understand where they're coming from, I leave them alone - not like those sharks who see protest as a buying signal - grrrrrr) and it shows - so I can never keep such a job for very long (in the past 2 years I've done 4 such jobs - 1 month, 7 months, and the last two 4 days each).
but on the way home some fun things happened:
* I stopped at Indigo and read about Women's health {always good to know you're a)not going crazy and b)not alone in your feelings}
* I read a quote about a husband who calls PMS - "my signal to Pack My Suitcase"
* I passed a guy with the coolest shirt - only now I forget what it said - it was about some country in the middle east - oh yeah! it was red and it said "Chad is Rad"
* I saw a man with a green bow tie - he had paused to watch a little sparrow
* I saw a black bird with an orange feather on each wing - very interesting
So the day was not a total bust, and I plan to go home and make sweet potato pie! I've never had it the way it's described (i.e in a pie crust) - but it sounds yummy :).

PMS - the extended version

hallo,
I'd first like to say that I'm happy to be reading new updated blogs - aren't you happy to read new updated blogs?
so - you're probably wondering what's up with the name... well - for those of you who read my last blog you will remember me mentioning crying in the park over seeing families having fun together. but now - a week later I find myself still in the grasp of the monster..
K can tell you I have truly been a suck for the last few days - first I cried at the scene in Pride and Prejudice (yes - we watched the whole thing with great savor and then rewound it and watched some parts again - K got so excited over Mr Darcy that I don't think it's good for her constitution if she watches it more than once a year {he *smolders*}) - the scene when Mr Bingly and Jane finally get together (I hope I haven't spoiled it for anyone) - they are both so happy and so very cute I get all choked up just thinking about it. But it was when I started balling during an episode of I Love Lucy (K and I watched one during lunch yesterday - Lucy managed to save a town from an evil expressway - and there was spontaneous singing and *tap*!!! what more could a girl want?) that I clued in that something must be up with me - that, along with the fact that I've been craving chocolate (doesn't usually happen but I suppose June is a special month). Oh dear - this morning I balled when I read the parable about the Prodigal Son [Luke 15vs 11-21]- (if you haven't read it - you should sometime - Our Father God's love for us is amazing - unlimited and boundless).
So I have decided to put it to blog (kinda like putting pen to paper -but virtually) and sharing my experiences - because ladies and gentlemen - (though I can't say I know of any gentlemen reading my blog) PMS is a very real thing. My best friend doesn't really believe in it - she thinks that it's just something that women use as an excuse to behave badly -infact - many women feel that way - and perhaps it is true for some, but I write to relate my experience that pre-menstrual syndrome is a very real thing not to be scoffed at (though perhaps we must laugh - sometimes it's better to laugh than to cry). but I'm sure many of you have found this to be very true for yourselves already - and if so - feel free to share.
anyways - I 'm off to lunch with a friend. have a good day!!! accept/expect random crying spells.
tulip

here are some sites on PMS that I found helpful
http://www.ncpamd.com/PMS.htm
http://www.usdoctor.com/pms.htm
http://www.womenshealthchannel.com/pms/index.shtml
T

"No message for you! Hang up the phone Loser!"

hi
I just spent the last 1/2 hour reading my old blogs and responses. I quite enjoyed them (is that vain?). also, is it vain that I love my raisin poem so much?
anyways - I don't have much to say tonight. except that I have become a compulsive message checker - well - I check my cell for calls I haven't missed... Kailey and I have a phrase for it - one we think the voice says in our message centre when we constantly check: "No message for you! hang up the phone Loser!" (at least that's what I think she'd say if she was a real person and not a machine). it's kinda like how I constantly check everyone's blog to see if they've written anything new -guys?! why aren't you writing?
what else? nothing esle (can you tell that I am - what? bored?). I've been learning to catch. K and I have started playing catch beside the building - with gloves and everything (I'm still learning the lingo - like um - window? net? no - pocket! you try to get the ball into the pocket of the glove!) I've always hated catching - it's something I could never do very well (I do play volleyball though - I love it because there is no pressure and the point of the game involves *not* catching the ball), and it doesn't help that I am a ball magnet - that is - I have a ball magnet inside of my head. and playing catch for the first time on Saturday did nothing to disprove that - my first time at it and I got a whammer in the side of my face (I tell you - I just wanted to go inside and have a cry - but I stuck it out - I was a trooper - I put on a brave face and kept playing - aren't you proud of me?)(it's still soar when I poke my eye like this < poke >). And K says I'm quite good for someone who's never played catch before - I choose to interpret that as a compliment. :)
That's all for now I think. oh, one more thing - today I went for a long walk and stopped in a park and watched kids play ball (I tell you - it really is a high pressure sport although the coaches seemed pretty good and the kids got as many chances to hit the ball as was needed - no "strike 3 your out") and I got all emotional when I saw a family having fun. is that normal? it seems to happen to me a lot - whenever I see little kids with their parents I want to (and sometimes do) burst into tears. some women would say that's my clock ticking - but my clock is not ticking - that is - I'm sure it is (but quietly) - but I don't actually want kids right now (and did I tell you how I NEVER want twins?!) so what is that sentimental, emotional drivel I feel? grrrr... don't tell anyone - but underneath (my rugged exterior..LOL) I really am just a wussy girl. but if you say anything about it I'll punch your lights out!
(heart) tulip

p.s. on further thought -I suppose I did have much to say - although little was said.

Ode to an Unsung Hero

Oh Raisin, you are beautiful
I love you very much
I used to think that bananas were the perfect fruit and such
but raisins, you are wonderful
because of your sweet taste
because you're full of energy
I eat you, then I haste
Oh raisin
what would life be like - without you to be had?
why, Kellogg Raisin Bran Crunch would really taste quite bad
and oatmeal raisin cookies - would be nothing but a bore
quite frankly, I think Raisin bread would really be a chore.
But raisin, you have saved the day
and now we love you so!
I think raisins should be hailed outloud
and declared a national hero!

sorry - some things just have to be said. today I discovered the true value of raisins and I wanted to tell the world - for though they're simply ok on their own - raisins truly are a wonderful fruit - they add such life and vitality to other things. Ok, I've spent way to long on this.
hey - if you've noticed the new look - I felt it's time for a spring makeover. so I'll be trying this for a while (probably for good - it just took me forever to put all the links back in because I didn't copy them before I changed the page. arrrggg).
That's all for today. Have a raisin!

tulip a.k.a new raisin groupie.

happiness is blogging

hallo
I just spent half an hour reading other peoples blogs. I feel inspired, I feel very strongly that things take on a surreal quality when they are written properly (or when your walking down the street at 10pm and your tired). Even real life events - that you've witnessed - that you did! they all becomes unreal, important even - sometimes anyways.
Just now I was walking down the street and I saw a little girl walking a few metres behind her mother. suddenly a seagull swooped down... I paused, watching, holding my breath - for a second the seagull looked so much bigger than the girl, for a second I had visions of the mother turning around to the screams of her little girl as she is carried through the air, her white skirt fluttering around her knees... only for a second - then the gull swooped up and I knew that it was only my imagination getting all excited with no outlet....
happiness really is blogging.
(heart) tulip

Breathing

hallo,
long time no write. been - living I guess. finished exams - weeks ago now. finished moving and unpacking (weeks ago now), looking for a summer job (tell your friends...you know - the ones that can pull strings?!), just breathing....
I have a funny story for today - almost as funny as boiling radishes. are you folks ready for this? yesterday I sent in a random application to a job on the student careers website. It had to do with environmental management - it was past the deadline - but I figured - what the heck - it'll be good practice. So today I get a phone call asking me if I'm still interested in the position. The lady sounded surprised when I said that I was, and we set up a telephone interview (I knew they're based outside of T.O. but I had no idea where exactly... was I in for a surprise)....Cochrane Ontario - the location of the position (for those of you who aren't already laughing at me for not checking before applying) is 10 hours north of T.O. - it's further than Timmins (K's former home - which we visited just this weekend - K's family is great but it sure is far...). K tried to deter me with stories of black flies and bears.. I would not be shaken - but eventually I remembered that I have a commitment (I volunteer with little babies) and though it's just volunteering - it's a commitment none the less..so I'm saved. but still kinda sad (amist the laughter at myself) because it would have been an experience. I wondered why the lady sounded so surprised.

here's to life as me - never a dull moment
Tulip

Breathe Tulip... just breathe.

hiho
lots of stuff going on. I recently moved so we've been setting up our apartment nice and cozy:). and tom has been having a time of it - (will give update on tomtales). I've been very tired - and so kinda spaced out - like on Monday I spent half an hour looking for a HUGE bottle of cleaning solution. I even went over to the old house and looked there. that night when K got home she opened the broom closet and showed me the bottle of solution - right on the shelf (I missed seeing the entire shelf when I opened the broom closet ten times that day) - where I may actually have placed it 2 days before.... good times.. good times for the whole family. Moving has been fun. I hope not to have to do it any time soon.
I'm somewhat discomfited because a lot of changes - temporary and permanent have been going on - people are leaving - for summer.. for the year.... for good...:-( This year I feel it more than usual (in the life of a student every year brings change so it's standard procedure that I should be used to by now) - I think that's because this year I've actually made friends - well.... let me put it another way - I've made actual friends (as opposed to virtual ones that is...LOL) of new people, and of those I knew before... so it'll be different when they leave. But on the other hand - having made friends - actual friends - means I have had many good experiences and will have many fond memories. thanx guys! So I'll try not to be sad.

on another note..
here are some additions to my last list - K&T&C isms. I will never be able to cover fully the things we say - I'm sorry guys - don't be mad if I forget an important one - we'll be know what it is ourselves, also, feel free to add anymore in the comments.

16. Are you feeling that?! I'm feeling that!
17. High fives - (and low fives) - (i.e. hand slaps - over the head and by the hip)enthusiatically with much head nodding.
here's 2 on Tom:
18. "He's your cat man".... "My cat? no, only cause I paid for him".... "well you picked him out - he's your cat man"...
19. Don't be bad.
and lastly - following K giving you the finger - only not the middle one...
20. You got Stumped!

here's to good times ahead - new sayings said, new friendships formed.
(heart) tulip

Isms

here is another list of things. A list of - T&K(&C)-isms.
1. KAILEY!!!!!????!!!!!
2. TALIBAH??!?!?!
3. Carolyn's home!/Collins! (sadly, to be said less often, as home has moved for everyone)
4. Good times.. good times had by all :-)
5. Have I ever steared you wrong?
6. true story!
7. Whatever Coots!
8. That's what I'm talking about!
9. Straighten up and fly right!
10. All you eat is carbs!
11. you big jerk!
12. mmhmmm?... mhhmmmnnnn!(no vocalization - just wordless conversation that may translate to "that's what I'm talking about" or "good times had by all" - especially used when eating yummy food cooked by any of the afformentioned)
13. I take care of you!
14. BAKES?????!!!!!!!!
15. 100%

we are slowly developing our own language (grammer included!) - and soon we will no longer be able to socialize properly - because no one will know what we're talking about (heheh.... good times! good times had by all!)
love, tulip

FLY(!)

I just need first to say: I don't want to have twins - ever.(!)
There, that being said, instead of complaining I will think of ten happy things to say.
1. Exams are almost over!
2. Babies are cute - even when your exhausted and want to lie down - they're still cute. Especially when they smile.
3. It's spring (for now)(I hear tell of snow this weekend - I say BRING IT ON!)
4. I like it when you unexpectedly bump into someone you want to see in a place where you don't usually go or they don't usually go - especially when you're tired and need to see them (especially if they're a cute boy/girl depending on your preference)
5. Niagra Falls is beautiful - though never quite as beautiful as when you see it the first time (because every time after that it'll just be "water falling" to you - but still beautiful).
(it's hard to think of 10 things)
6. I was walking down the street today and I was tired and hungry when I suddenly thought - I'm glad that I can walk down the street - I'm glad that I can see, and smell and hear! wow - how blessed I am today!
7. Johnathan Livingston Seagull - a must read - when you do - you'll know why it's on the happy list (I just bought it - ask me and I'll share the joy!)
(running out of steam..)
8. Chocolate is yummy!!!!
9. Bananas are yummier!!! (I know there are many of you who would disagree with that one - but it's true!!!! or you can insert your favourite fruit there)...(what was that? Nothing is better than chocolate?)....ok,ok, I retract that last comment - switch numbers 8 and 9.
10. My God is REAL. (!)

happy Wednesday!
tulip

the -E- to the -I- to the lost in space...

to answer your question C - I don't know. both Illusive and Elusive apply - in all references to Wilderness... because, it doesn't really exist (illusive) and if it does - it's hard to find (elusive). I think when I first wrote about Wilderness Illusions - I may have meant to use the term Elusive - because I could not find them, but then since I concluded that they must not exist then I was right to use the term illusive (though unintentionally) - (though I think I looked it up before I used it - so maybe it was intentional - it's now a blur to me). (Elusive?)
right.. so now that's cleared (or unclear). I'm going to go back to writing my essay on Wilderness illusions (not yet finished, sadly).
love, tulip

The trouble with Saf.... What's in a name?

I'll tell you what's in a name!!
to prevent any further confusion to my readers I will once again clarify Saf and Saf.
2 lovely women in my life who share the same nic:
my sister - Safiya aka

Dr Robby

who is now online (YAY) - I've placed a link on the side of my page; and my friend - Safia aka

sappho

2 hip and happening ladies (perhaps it's the name)

Dr Robby calls herself "the original" and I suppose since I knew her first, and since she is older - she may win that argument, which would make Sappho - "the other one" although she could never be "other" for she is not, instead we can call her... what shall we call her?
I was going to say "once removed" then I thought how about "number 1" (but that would make Dr Robby zero - which she might not like), so if you have any suggestions on how it would be possible to distinguish (Saf K and Saf R) without some sort of ranking - please do let me know.
now that we have that cleared that up, I want to moan a minute about illusive wilderness references - GRRRRRRR!!!! ilusive, abstract essays!!!!! ggrrrrr!!!!! ilussive abstract courses!!!!!!!GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR (see how my spelling deteriorates as I get more annoyed?)
tulip

p.s hey sappho, thanks for your response on music. the word that keeps coming to my mind is organic - something flowing, never "other" - never disconnected - but more than just "connected" or "just being" instead - moving - like music, and alive. :) like 3D painting that moves - that's alive!

p.p.s sappho - my sister Saf is coming for a visit this week (yay!) you should come meet her! - Safs Unite!!!

rats spelled backwards is...... STAR!!!

a very MOKF day (moan on k's futon - day)
today I gave the worst presentation in the history of presentations - infact, you know what? it doesn't even deserve such merit...(even being spectacularly bad is a distinction - my piece deserved nothing of the sort). don't you hate it when you make a presentation (can I just say that fear of public speaking + too little preparation = disaster) and you spend the next 2 hours stressing about the things you didn't say [like the main point!] oh Talibah. *sigh*
but some good came of the day
1. the presentation is over and I don't have to stress about it anymore
2. I took a long walk (it was a brilliant day) and many neat things happened like......
*someone stuck a star on their window - it said "BAM!"
*I passed a leafless bow-bush - someone had industriously tied maroon bows on many of the branches
*someone said "mopeds are gay" and "spandex is gay.. especially full body spandex"
*there are buses running on the street car tracks - I don't know why (one of them read "Special")
*I had a conversation with a young man in the grocery store - we talked about bread (I knew the young man)
*I had a conversation with an old man in the grocery store - we talked about how expensive icecream is - I showed him a good inexpensive one to buy - he was grateful (I did not know the old man)
*I made up an ode to fresh bread ("Fresh Bread how I love thee - let me count the ways.... I love the way you smell..."etc)

so here's to sucky presentations, may they bring bright days.
tulip

F.O.D.: Food for the soul

Last night C and I saw Saf in perfomance - the show was great! I felt moved in some of the pieces (like the dance to "Ain't no sunshine") and it got me thinking - how do people create a dance? I mean, how do they hear a sound and decide which way to move in space and how to make many people move in space to create a feeling... it intrigues me.
I'm getting that hungry feeling - that feeling that I get when I feel as though I should be doing much more than I am - and I don't mean school work, I mean expressing, communicating, connecting. that inspired feeling that you get when you want to change the world - do you know what I mean?
the rainbow connection -
"I've heard it too many times to ignore it, it's something I'd like to be.... someday we'll find it -
the rainbow connection -
the lovers, the dreamers and me" Kermit the Frog

perhaps I'll find it.
tulip

The Lord is the Rock.

There are no words, only thoughts and prayers at this time. May you be comforted by our Father God, and in pain find His strength.

Psalms 23

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

(Ten) Pound Cake

so today I had blueberry Pound cake - and it was so yummy I had some more (I want more still) but now I understand why it's called "pound" cake - my tummy's so heavy I might fall over. I think I rename it 10-pound cake (it sits like a sack of potatoes under my shirt) And to think I used to want to get pregnant when I grow up?!! (LOL)
tulip

ABC gum

It's been such a long time since I've written I almost forgot my password! yes, it's been a long time. Do you remember when kids would ask if you wanted something that was A.B.C. (already been chewed). recently I've been thinking about Elf (great movie) when he's going to the city and his friends tell him - don't lick the yellow snow (we just saw a kid - maybe 2 or 3years old, bend over and touch the yellow snow - his mother was mortified...), and that gum on the bottom of tables is NOT free candy.
Or remember the silly things we used to say? -
"I'm rubber you're glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you!"
"Girls are handy, made out of candy. Boys are rotten, made out of cotton."
I forget the others now... you guys probably have different ones in North America - one I heard 2 days ago was about beans..... Kailey, could you tell me again?
tulip

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAF!(come on everyone, join in!)

happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you,
happy birthday dear Sa-af,
Happy birthday to you.

(and many more)

love, tulip

Constantly checking my blog... (reminds me of that song "Constant Cravings")

hallo,
I'm currently taking a 40 day rest from msn webmessenger. it's actually been fine so far - but I think that has something to do with the fact that I've simply replaced webtalk with blogging, so that now I check my blog (and other peoples blogs - guys, why haven't you written anything???!!!!) at least twice a day. sad, I know.
by the way, on Monday I discovered the illusive illusions of the Canadian Wilderness -which I was quite happy about.
I read today about life views - the question is - how do you see life? or how do you see your life? what is your life metaphor (e.g life is like a journey)? and I realised that I don't have a life metaphor - which is probably just as well. though if I had to make one up it would probably be that life is an adventure, and the way I account for this is that (especially when I was in high school, but even to this day) I try to carry everything in my bag, or rather - something for just about every occasion because you never know when you'll need deodorant, or a watch pin...... (for those of you who know me you may have noticed that I often carry a [large] backpack, I've tried to stop - I can't help it!) And if you've ever cooked with me - you'll see that I'm into (culinary) adventures :)
(maybe I can generate some dialog, and have something to read next time I check my blog.. hint hint....) so tell me, how do you see life? and why?
tulip

Darn illusive Wilderness Illusions (Straighten up and Fly Right)

so I'm supposed to be writing an essay on illusions addressed in my readings on Canadian Wilderness... illusions?!! huh? of all the abstract... ("so and so, dot, dot....") things on which to write. this last peice is giving me heck.. really, I keep just seeing it, and then it disappears.. I'm half tempted to write that the piece itself is an illusion and that's why I can't find the stupid point.. grrrr.....
I saw what's-his-name at the library tonight - this makes 3 Sundays in a row - I'm beginning to think it's more than coincidence on his part (though admittedly we are both students and the library is our home....) but he only ever has surface talk for me... ahhhk frustrating guys! and I am left to wonder - is he not interested or does he just not get it???? Sometimes I think that guys just play dumb.. it's just a farce they use when they can't think of a nice way to make things clear - so they let us do it, or let us get fed up and leave.... grrrr....
grrrrr.... (that felt so good I thought I'd say it again).
wish me luck in finding the illusive point for my essay.
tulip

p.s Natalie Cole, eh... amazing!

Fire alarms and Midrifts

Today in the fire alarm went off during class. isn't it strange how reluctant people are to leave a building. We sat in class for about 5 minutes while the prof went to check whether or not we had to leave, then we gathered our things and strolled downstairs. Once, when I was at work we had to evacuate the building - it was the same tardy response - we waited 10 minutes while supervisors called the gaurds downstairs to check. When we had to get out (we were on the 9th floor and the elevators stopped so it was lots of walking) I was the first down... I don't know why other people never seem to have a huge sense of urgency - I don't know if it's that I'm just sensitive or others are insensitive. Like it makes me mad when pedestrians cross infront of an ambulance or fire truck, or when people don't just pull over - People!!! Seconds Matter!!!
I hope none of you guys are guilty of this. and hopefully now we'll all be more aware.
So we gathered outside to wait for the all clear, and I saw a girl with a super short jacket and a super short shirt - because I could see her midrift. now, today is warm... but not that warm - I know other people were wondering the same thing I was - isn't she cold?
When we got back to class - the fire trucks came and checked out the building and we still had 40 minutes of class remaining (we watched a really cool documentary on animals in the artic) - I had a moment of indecision - when you leave a class, take your stuff and return (as we did today) do you go back to the same seat you were in? especially if you sit in different seats every week - wouldn't taking your stuff signify the begining of new week sort of - and yet, I'm pretty sure that every one (or everyone I'd looked at anyways) went back to their own seat.. why is that? I know I went back because I didn't want anyone else to be mad at me for taking their seat... did everyone else think that?
tulip.

more thoughts..more walking

• I just finished reading Ella Enchanted - a wonderful book - full of suitable drama - so much so that at times I put it down despairing that things would ever (never?) work out well. now I'm so happy I don't know what to do with myself (sorry if I spoiled the ending for you but I didn't tell you everything).
• I will not allow myself to buy valentines cards - I stopped at the 7/11 and saw the nicest cards. why am I such a suck with a soft spot for romance? oh why?!!! I even formed a philosophy about Valentines day -Valentine's Day is propagated by card companies and other commercial enterprises - lovers don't need a day to show their love, and those who aren't lovers don't need a day either... everyone just ends up feeling down, or stressed and spending way too much money or worrying about no money being spent on them. (although I feel so strongly about this, I must note that I still require roses on said day). and so I will not buy cards (and send them to myself or any other - undeserving or deserving person - I must NOT give in).
• Natalie Cole.... mmmmmm.

love, tulip

Thoughts while walking

• What do people think about when they are walking down the street or when they're on a long bus ride with no book? I always wonder if they have serious thoughts or do they think about food (like I often do).
• It's hard to keep your own voice when you read other people's stuff a lot.
• who is HP? she/he (?) wrote a response to my first entry here, and neither C nor I have any idea who he/she is. we figure perhaps they linked me by my profile.. but they are unsearchable online, so Hp if you're listening (reading) reveal yourself to me (or just respond so I wouldn't be so freaked out) - something you said was very true - it is intimidating when you know you have an audience - I was kinda offset when I realised that more friends than the 2 I'd given my site to could read my entries... but it's turned out to be a good thing so far.
• I ought to write in my journal (paper) more - it's being neglected and it's calming to put pen to paper - I miss it.
• my hair is long enough to comb - oh dear.. I can't front anymore by pretending it's short.. what next? (Kailey would be sad if I cut it again but it's so much easier)
• I really need to start this book I've been trying to start for the past week - It's called The Purpose Driven Life - but - ever the procrastinator I'm having difficulty putting (my foot to the pedal? the pedal to the metal? what is the phrase?)... starting, though I'm excited to start. I'll start soon.
• I must email "Molls" I wonder what she's up to.
• oh dear, I couldn't stay awake in my Canadian Wilderness class today though it was very interesting - I guess that's what happens when you have 4 hours sleep for no good reason.
• Ella Enchanted is a good book so far, I think I'll read some more later.
• There is Something there.

those are many of my thoughts today as I walked along. here's a bit of weather talk - it was a beautiful day in that it wasn't too cold ("warm" by Canada Standards that is... my fellow bajans would be cringing to hear me say that -1 C is warm).

Talibah

p.s. maybe I should change my name to Tulip - that's the suggestion that the spell check makes every time I write an entry.

Tulip

Saf, you are *BRILLIANT*!!!

Spiral is exactly the word I use - only, I always envisioned it going down (spiraling downward) into an abyss - but I like your interpretation better (growing and learning). And no, I've never seen Howard's End, but now I'll definitely look out for it.
{For those of you a little lost - I'm responding to a response dear saf made to my last entry}.
[Oh how I love brackets/braces/whatever they're called - it's a wonderful way to write an aside without actually writing "aside"] (I probably use them entirely too much).
Oh, at this time I think I need to make a little clarification (for myself mainly, since none of my family reads this blog - as far as I know) Saf - is a friend from school (and the one on blogspot), and Saf is also the name of my sister (though she is not yet online) - and they are both lovely women.
and thanks to C - there is now a link to Saf (and other friends) on the side of my page (thanks C!) oh the joys of computer code.
I'm off to attempt (making) mostly vegetarian lasana - wish me luck!
love, talibah

unreasonable days... how great to be a woman (well, girl)

hallo
I've just watched a movie with Nat - it's called "A Room with a Veiw" - it's a splendid movie - and you should watch it sometime - a romance for romantics... this weekend I've had some quite unreasonable days. take yesterday for instance - I woke up mad and continued to be mad for the rest of the day - except when I took a nap (being mad is quite tiring) and when I sang with the gospel choir (what an experience to sing in Hebrew....). here are a few of the things I was mad at - my house was crazy cold, the weather is cold (-35 with the wind??!!), then I was late for meeting my friends, and I forgot to comb my hair (arrgg! hair) (I spent 10 minutes combing furiously in the jk washrooms that were provided for us in the temple - it's funny how you forget how low toilets have to be so that little kids can sit on them... how short we once were!). and my boots have quite given out - and I could not feel my toes... and then I was hungry. everything quite unreasonable really, and Hiedi rubbed my shoulders and laughed at me being mad, and I felt a little better. only then I wanted to burst into tears at the slightest disturbance (and indeed I did). then I came home and had chicken soup (the best cure for any malady).
today - today was a good day. church - a new class I've started - where we'll study a book - I'll tell you more about it in the days to come, then wonderful singing, then pastor Don.
then Nat and I watched a movie - as I've told you. we watched it first in 1st year - 4 years ago - and loved it. and today, as I watched I loved it all over again. but bitter sweet maybe - it's hard to fully enjoy a romantic movie when... well, when your feeling unreasonable. and I am feeling a bit unreasonable today. how? well, I'll be a little frank right now (and cringe in the near or distant future) - I miss my guy. it's one of those stupid things where your sure you're all better and then something happens - or nothing happens and then your thrown back to square one and a half, and you can't help yourself. do you know what I mean? (stupid boys that won't let you love them). ok, I've been frank enough, and will probably edit this later..
how nice it is to have a surface upon which to rant (a veritable 'Kailey's futon' upon which I can moan) and not be alone in doing so.
it's almost full moon tonight - almost full and beautiful.
talibah

I hate evil surface talk

Let me take a moment to tell you a little about evil-surface-talk (e.s.t.) (a.k.a weather talk). I suppose in simple terms it can refer to talking (incessantly) about the weather, though it is by no means restricted to such - it includes talking about school, work, food, movies - especially (infact, specifically) when this is not what is foremost on one's mind. The reason I consider it "evil" is for this very reason. so many times we fail to connect because we are too afraid, or because social norms dictate that for the sake of universal comfort and "politeness" we avoid certain subjects of emotion and any matter too close to the heart. I do not mean that I believe that we should tell any and everyone everything, everytime there's something on our mind, but I've found that I often go so far in the opposite direction that at times some of my closest friends have claimed not to "know me - really" (what's with that? *rant for another day*). I suppose, the impetus for this rant came recently when I actually wanted to say something - real - (n.b "real" is the opposite of "surface") but could not for various reasons, and so had to resort to e.s.t. which pained me so. at times I'd almost rather not speak at all than participate in e.s.t. ...